Just when things feel like they'll start to look up, a turn for the worst is most common. I'm currently in desperate need of good vibes/prayer/extra thoughts today.
Only a couple of weeks ago my grandma Sue (my dad's ex-step-mom) passed away. It sounds bizarre but she was a huge part of my childhood and we've never lost contact until the past year when she became very ill and could not longer use the phone or her laptop.
Earlier last week my great-grandma (my closest family member besides my immediate family) fell and broke her arm badly. Surgery went well on Friday and she was holding strong when she suddenly loss heartbeat on Saturday. The doctors were able to save her, but she was put on a vent only to be fine once more and taken off the vent later that day. Only a few hours later she again lost heartbeat only this time they could not save her- she passed away on Sunday.
Both of these women were very dear to me and it's extra difficult not being home to say goodbye or celebrate their lives the way I'd like.
I took yesterday off for a day to myself to sort of reflect and just feel for once. Jordan and I spent the day together laughing, smiling and simply loving each other. It's so rare that I have time to do these things.
I was extremely overwhelmed by missing a school day but figured that at this point what will happen will happen (I still didn't know how I did on my midterm last week since I missed yesterday).
This morning as I awoke for school I felt horribly ill. My anxiety has been terrible since yesterday evening and knowing I had a quiz to make up today did not help. As I go to leave I cannot find my car keys. But I remember. I had left them in Jordan's car on Saturday and not since seen them. You got it- I left them in his car. Which was located on base (about 45 minutes away), but being the sweet heart that he is he drove all the way home just to bring me my keys.
But now I'm late to class. Which almost worked out well? I missed the quiz that I knew I'd do poorly on, so not so bad. And we don't make up quizzes, yay!!!
But on my way home, I have a feeling something is wrong. Not sure if my head is hurting so bad that I think I'm swerving or WHAT is going on. Well? About 10 minutes later my tire blows. On the interstate. And I completely lose it.
I'm talking I cried for an hour straight while I was on the phone with my hubby, my insurance company, roadside assistance and the entire time a Road Ranger (thank goodness for these guys!) worked on and put on my spare.
But now I'm home. I showered, and cried some more. Finished my errands on the way home. I have work tonight, but a day off tomorrow. I'm still feeling SO overwhelmed with everything in life. But everything will be okay. It always is. I'm still so thankful for the things I do have, and it could be much worse I'm sure, but we all have our lows and this is mine for now.
For today though, what butterflies and unicorns? There are none in sight. But tomorrow, just maybe tomorrow the sun will shine and the butterflies will fly- not sure about those unicorns though.
Xoxo,
B
No comments:
Post a Comment