Wait, What Am I Doing Here?

7:00 alarm begins buzzing, snooze. 7:30 alarm begins buzzing, ugh. Up you go.

45 minute drive to school. 25 minutes of words you heard yesterday along with a quiz that nearly makes NO SENSE due to the terribly awkward wording. And then the stress begins to rise in your body as you feel discouraged and yet you're still battling the exhaustion that doesn't seem to fall away. "Everyone gets a 100 on the first quiz, since it's the first quiz."

Yet, no relief. If the first quiz was this bad, the second can't be much better, right? ...Not to be pessimistic or anything. But really, where HAS my optimism gone? Who am I these days?

WHAT AM I DOING HERE!?

And this was just the start of my day. Brilliant, no?

Something has been off with me lately. I'm not sure what exactly it is, but I'm not myself. I'm leaning toward the fact that I'm pretty miserable with school currently. I'm not a fan of my professor who happened to teach my last class also.  She was NOT supposed to teach the class I'm in now, but our director bailed on us, so she is now doing it. Did I mention she is just now reading the textbook for the first time with us? Nearly teaching herself as she lectures us each day.

And really, it's depressing. I'm finally in my core classes yet I'm not enjoying any part of it. The information is wonderful, at least. But the teaching, yikes. These southern schools just aren't the same as schools in the north (mid-west, whatever.)

I get home, write a to-do list with nearly 20 important tasks that need accomplished. What do I do? I take a nap. Because I can't complete any of the tasks when I'm fighting to keep my eyes awake. Nobody can.

As I awake, still no energy. So, now it is 7:00 p.m. and I'm drinking coffee. Thank the inventor of coffee for all of his/her life-saving moments (this definitely counts!) Plus side, I am actually marking things off my to-do list!

But it's just days like these where I really wonder where I am in life and how much longer I have to keep pushing THIS hard to find accomplishments in my life. I'm feeling desperate for some sort of win. 

I've recently decided something ABSURD. I've told no one, except for my husband of course. His response, "That's ridiculous." And realistically it isn't realistic at all. But I'm still somehow determined and excited. Except not today, I'm not in the mood to be determined OR excited today. But tomorrow, I'm sure (: (ahhh, the optimism is coming back now that I'm ranting a bit)

After all, I have NO SCHOOL TOMORROW! This will be my first class in awhile that I have Wednesdays off of school. Practically a vacation for me :P

Chat with me, friends. Please leave comments, questions, etc. I'm friendly, even when I'm hating school. Promise (:

Positive Side Note: I received my first big promotion through Scentsy last month & I'm officially filled out my April School/Work Calendar!

Xoxo,

    B!