As I stood behind the bar bent over scrubbing dirty beer mugs, I hear a voice near my front, "Do I look really high?" ... I pause. I glance up quickly.
Then cringe. "What is happening," I think to myself. I reply quickly, "You need to go to the restroom immediately. There's a mess on your face." The man (more of a child) panics a bit and rushes into the restroom, stumbling along the way.
While he's gone I feel very confused. I question myself, I question what I had witnessed and better yet I question WHY this is happening. Not to me, but to this poor young man.
He sits back at the bar. I peer up to him with looks of shame and sadness. I ask him, "Was that cocaine?" He replies with eyes full of guilt, "Yes." My heart dropped. I walked away quickly storing the clean mugs and glasses into the freezer. But upon arrival back to where this man sits I find words falling out of my mouth.
Harsh, REAL words. Hurtful words, but spoken honestly. "WHAT is wrong with YOU. Why would you do that to yourself? You're way too good for that, you know better. Do you not know how dangerous that is?" And it continues.
But he just stares back at me, eyes filled with fear that I might slap him across the face at any second, still no words come out. And after I'm finished I walk away once more. I find myself guilty, my heart filled with sadness.
Let's rewind to earlier that day. I was working my usual 13 hour Sunday shift at the bar. I headed over to store a couple doors down to grab a couple of Redbulls to get me through the rest of my shift. While I'm here I see one of the guys who comes in almost every shift I work just to say hello and have a Budweiser or two. He says, "Brittany, hi! I didn't know you were working today. I heard you might be leaving, if you leave I'll be sad. I'm going to come see you later." He's such a sweetheart. Here's the part you can't get from this story; S is mentally handicapped, I'm just not sure to what degree. His eyes are slightly misguided, he walks with a small limp and he has a severe speech impediment and doesn't quite use his mind like a "normal" adult. Still, he is the KINDEST person I have ever met.
His downfalls: He's too friendly, people don't understand his sense of humor (so he gets beaten up often), he brags about smoking marijuana (selling it also) and he's difficult to take seriously (he brags about how awesome of a hip-hop dancer he is).
I toward him, my head dropped a bit below eye level and my heart races a bit, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be mean or hurt your feel---" Before I can finish he interrupts, "I'm strong, you didn't hurt my feelings. But I've never had anybody put it like that to me. I'm not sure why I do it, or why I'm doing this to myself. You're right."
I nod, sweetly, letting him know it's okay. "You're not driving anywhere are you? Someone is picking up up?" He nods, letting me know he won't be driving. My gut feels some relief, but my heart still aches. He stayed with me until I closed the restaurant. He helped me finish closing only asking if there was anything more he could help with. This is the type of person he is. I lock up the front patio furniture and bid him goodbye, letting him know I'll see him next weekend.
As I drove home he was all I could think about.
It makes me so terribly sad that in this day and age drugs are so readily available. Even more, it breaks my heart to know that people like him, the people that just want to be liked because they're a little different, will do whatever it takes to be a part of the "crowd." I feel so much anger towards the person who made him think that drugs were the cool thing, a proper lifestyle for him.
I guess I don't really have a moral of the story to share. It's just a story. One I think everyone should know. Drugs are real, drugs are happening around us, and by simply speaking up we could save someone's life. I'm not saying that my honest, cruel words will make S change his ways. But hey, maybe it will. Perhaps that's just what he's needed to hear- he just needed someone to care enough to speak up and let him know he doesn't need to carry around that white mustache. Only time will tell, my heart does feel some hope for him. I hope he finds himself and changes his life for the better.
Sorry for the heavy post, but thanks for reading! Lots of positive things will be heading your way soon!
Xoxo,
B!
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