The In-between Times

So, let's face it- I work a lot.
I'm aware, you're aware, my family is aware & mostly my husband is aware.

I say mostly because, well, he definitely gets the short-end of the stick a lot of the time.

And you know that emotional roller-coaster that seems to exist in every relationship?

It doesn't go away once you tie the knot (shocking, I know).

Just like every other couple, whether young, old, homosexual or heterosexual my husband & I are faced with obstacles each day that directly affect the way our relationship goes. And sometimes we make poor decisions. We even let each other down occasionally, make one another feel forgotten, and cry ourselves to sleep sometimes because things don't feel "right." 

That's only the bad part.

With the good, comes the bad, right? So let me focus a little more on the in-between times. The positives.

This includes the 15 minutes we have together most nights before we decide we must go to sleep if we plan on making it through the next day without destroying our careers.

This includes our jam-packed days filled with laughter, good food and perfect company that occur only twice a month when I have entire days off.

The evenings I have "off" from leaving the house, but still have to work at home- that's a wonderful part of the in-between times. 

I'll even include the (maybe) 15 texts we get to send back and forth each day simply trying to keep conversation passing back and forth so we don't let the other feel forgotten. And trust me, 15 texts is a lot to get in when you're working 2-4 jobs a day plus school. 

We aren't perfect, none of us. We're all just working to find the things in life that make us happy. It's so easy to get caught up in finding the things that make us happy that sometimes we forget to enjoy the things we already have in life.

I'm so guilty of pressing for a bright future that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it to where I want to be. This includes never having down time, getting to simply hang-out and even taking time away from my relationship.

Situations are what you make of them, though. I'm often judged and criticized for working so hard and so often. Yet, I truly enjoy working. It's one of the things in my present that truly make me happy, that makes me feel accomplished. 

At the end of the day there will always be the in-between times. Sure, not everyday is filled with positive in-between times. In fact, some are filled hatred, hurtful words and jealousy. 

It's up to us to choose how we spend our time together and our time apart in both friendships and relationships. We need to support one another, understand one another and enjoy our in-between times together.

May you all find happiness in your in-between times <3

Xoxo,

    B!

Back to Me!

What a completely insane week I've had! 

I worked at least 12 hours every single day last week, and let me tell you, no bueno. I've completely lost my voice for 3 days now ):

I'm sure it has a LOT to do with exhaustion, but I'm trying my best not to let it get me down.

As of Thursday night my voice was practically gone, and as I awoke Friday I realized it wasn't coming back anytime soon. I finally had time to go to the ER on Saturday night/Sunday morning 2:15 after I had gotten off work and gotten my hubby to take me. And of course after getting different answers from each nurse & doctor I spoke with they wrote me a prescription for a Z pack and some cough medicine and called it a day.

Jordan & I finally made our way back home around 5:00 a.m.- we were both completely exhausted at this point. And of course we were both up by 10 on Sunday morning. I, however, took advantage of having the day off as I slept on and off ALL DAY. I still felt completely terrible and it was beyond annoying to even try to speak as it hurt and took a ton of effort to even push words out (most of the time I had to repeat myself). 

I finally laid down for the night around 11:00 p.m. and literally slept in until 11:00 a.m. today. Can I just say how thankful I am that I had the day off?! I worked a couple of hours finishing up a HUGE school project that is due in the morning and finally got the house together.

When hubby got home we went out for dinner and drinks (: It was much needed. This was our first night together (besides the hospital) in almost TWO WEEKS. Crazy, I know! We had a very nice time (:

Now he's showering, I'm sipping on some (more) hot tea & we're next going to cuddle up and catch up on Game of Thrones!(: 

The good news is that I'm feeling MUCH better, definitely still feel like crap, and could use another day of rest but I have Spring Break next week which means lots of down time. Needless to say, I'll be okay (;

If ever I get 10 minutes to myself I'll write something a little more interesting- something more personal and specific. But not today. I don't have the time OR energy. Just didn't want you all to think I'd forgotten about you :*

Xoxo,

    B!

5

Hello, lovelies!

So sorry I haven't been posting lately, but I'm still here! 

Life has been even crazier than usual, and I truly haven't had ANY time to be on the computer "playing around."

Quick update for the past week:

Monday, April 7th: I had a doctor's appointment for my annual woman check up. It was horrible. Any stranger sticking their fingers in my you-know-what just makes any event awful for me. And to top it off we were having AC issues- but thankfully we were in a cool front. $200 later we had 8 lbs. of free-on added to our system and icy cold air coming out of our vents (but were told we would need a new AC in the near future, sigh).

Tuesday, April 8th: My poor hubby underwent his first treatment of steroid shots. I felt it was a little too soon into my blog to get into the details of that, but here it goes. About 2 months ago my husband finally got his doctor on base to order him an MRI after he's been complaining about back pain for TWO YEARS. The results were pretty sucky: 2 slipped disks, an annual tear and nerve damage in his lower back. And so, there we were. He is undergoing two treatments of these steroid treatments in the next couple of months. Sadly, though, his pain has actually worsened since the shots ):

Wednesday, April 9th: Ugh. I read 214 pages of my Nutrition Education in hopes of acing my mid-term that would come tomorrow, Thursday. I was up late, and felt pretty confident.

Thursday, April 10th: By 9 a.m. all confidence was destroyed. I did very poorly on my exam (I just got my grade back today, finally) and overall had a rough day. Also- this is where 5 comes into play. I received a call that day, with yet another job offering. And I took it. So yes, that makes 5 jobs now. Am I crazy or just crazy? Help me, someone. Teach me to say no! We had our first meeting that night, things went well.

Friday, April 11th: Stressful stressful day. Personal Assisting from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. then back to the restaurant to help get the kitchen organized and such. Did I forget to mention the restaurant is brand new?! TONIGHT IS OUR FIRST NIGHT BEING OPEN! Any way, I stayed until about 6:30, then made my way home. My husband had a soccer game that I planned on skipping because I still hadn't written my blogs for my actual job that were due on Sunday (crap!) But, you guessed it, I got pressured into going to the game. So a few hundred mosquito bites later, along side MANY distractions I surprisingly finished my blogs!

Saturday, April 12th: MY DAY OFF! What a day, let me just tell you. Thankfully the house was decently clean because I had NO FREE time. Hubby and I went and saw Captain America at 9:45 a.m. IT WAS AMAZING<3. But immediately after we ran to Sam's club where we bought a brand new hybrid gas/charcoal grill along with most of the food for our cookout/swim party we were having at 3! Nothing like last minute, right? (; The party was super fun though! There was lots of pool pong, pool volleyball, beer pong and beach volleyball. And once more, PLENTY of mosquitoes. The bad news: our AC officially went out while everyone was here. Our house was HOT ):

Sunday, April 13th: I worked literally ALL day. I was managing at restaurant number 1 and during my break finally posted all the blogs I had written on Friday night, whew. 

Monday, April 14th: Happy birthday to my beautiful mom! I still haven't even sent out her gift yet, terrible, I know. Also, crazy day. I stayed after class for 3 hours to work on this terrible group project that I thought was due next Tuesday that is actually due THIS Thursday, ugh. I had another meeting at 5:30 to help train our new servers, practice serving friends and family and to get our schedules and work shirts.

Tuesday, April 15th: Yay, today, finally! Got my mid-term test back this morning. Worst test grade I've had since 9th grade Algebra with Mr.Fisher. I received a terrible 75, yes 75 on my test. Very disappointing, but I'm preparing for my final now. I rushed home, showered, wrote a work blog, I'm currently writing to you all (: and I still need to get dressed, run a Scentsy order to a lady in Tampa and I work tonight at 5!! Very first official shift and I'm actually very nervous. This is my first time ever actually opening a restaurant with inexperienced cooks and servers. Needless to say, life has been BUSY. 

Thanks for hanging around, I'll try to post as much as I can, but things aren't looking to slow down much in the near future. Hope you all are having a fabulous week so far!

Xoxo,

   B!

Here's what Jordan looked like in pre-op 

The Man With the White Mustache

As I stood behind the bar bent over scrubbing dirty beer mugs, I hear a voice near my front, "Do I look really high?" ... I pause. I glance up quickly.

Then cringe. "What is happening," I think to myself. I reply quickly, "You need to go to the restroom immediately. There's a mess on your face." The man (more of a child) panics a bit and rushes into the restroom, stumbling along the way.

While he's gone I feel very confused. I question myself, I question what I had witnessed and better yet I question WHY this is happening. Not to me, but to this poor young man.

He sits back at the bar. I peer up to him with looks of shame and sadness. I ask him, "Was that cocaine?" He replies with eyes full of guilt, "Yes." My heart dropped. I walked away quickly storing the clean mugs and glasses into the freezer. But upon arrival back to where this man sits I find words falling out of my mouth. 

Harsh, REAL words. Hurtful words, but spoken honestly. "WHAT is wrong with YOU. Why would you do that to yourself? You're way too good for that, you know better. Do you not know how dangerous that is?" And it continues.

But he just stares back at me, eyes filled with fear that I might slap him across the face at any second, still no words come out. And after I'm finished I walk away once more. I find myself guilty, my heart filled with sadness.

Let's rewind to earlier that day. I was working my usual 13 hour Sunday shift at the bar. I headed over to store a couple doors down to grab a couple of Redbulls to get me through the rest of my shift. While I'm here I see one of the guys who comes in almost every shift I work just to say hello and have a Budweiser or two. He says, "Brittany, hi! I didn't know you were working today. I heard you might be leaving, if you leave I'll be sad. I'm going to come see you later." He's such a sweetheart. Here's the part you can't get from this story; S is mentally handicapped, I'm just not sure to what degree. His eyes are slightly misguided, he walks with a small limp and he has a severe speech impediment and doesn't quite use his mind like a "normal" adult. Still, he is the KINDEST person I have ever met. 

His downfalls: He's too friendly, people don't understand his sense of humor (so he gets beaten up often), he brags about smoking marijuana (selling it also) and he's difficult to take seriously (he brags about how awesome of a hip-hop dancer he is).

I toward him, my head dropped a bit below eye level and my heart races a bit, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be mean or hurt your feel---" Before I can finish he interrupts, "I'm strong, you didn't hurt my feelings. But I've never had anybody put it like that to me. I'm not sure why I do it, or why I'm doing this to myself. You're right."

I nod, sweetly, letting him know it's okay. "You're not driving anywhere are you? Someone is picking up up?" He nods, letting me know he won't be driving. My gut feels some relief, but my heart still aches. He stayed with me until I closed the restaurant. He helped me finish closing only asking if there was anything more he could help with. This is the type of person he is. I lock up the front patio furniture and bid him goodbye, letting him know I'll see him next weekend. 

As I drove home he was all I could think about. 

It makes me so terribly sad that in this day and age drugs are so readily available. Even more, it breaks my heart to know that people like him, the people that just want to be liked because they're a little different, will do whatever it takes to be a part of the "crowd." I feel so much anger towards the person who made him think that drugs were the cool thing, a proper lifestyle for him. 

I guess I don't really have a moral of the story to share. It's just a story. One I think everyone should know. Drugs are real, drugs are happening around us, and by simply speaking up we could save someone's life. I'm not saying that my honest, cruel words will make S change his ways. But hey, maybe it will. Perhaps that's just what he's needed to hear- he just needed someone to care enough to speak up and let him know he doesn't need to carry around that white mustache. Only time will tell, my heart does feel some hope for him. I hope he finds himself and changes his life for the better.

Sorry for the heavy post, but thanks for reading! Lots of positive things will be heading your way soon!

Xoxo,

   B!

Wait, What Am I Doing Here?

7:00 alarm begins buzzing, snooze. 7:30 alarm begins buzzing, ugh. Up you go.

45 minute drive to school. 25 minutes of words you heard yesterday along with a quiz that nearly makes NO SENSE due to the terribly awkward wording. And then the stress begins to rise in your body as you feel discouraged and yet you're still battling the exhaustion that doesn't seem to fall away. "Everyone gets a 100 on the first quiz, since it's the first quiz."

Yet, no relief. If the first quiz was this bad, the second can't be much better, right? ...Not to be pessimistic or anything. But really, where HAS my optimism gone? Who am I these days?

WHAT AM I DOING HERE!?

And this was just the start of my day. Brilliant, no?

Something has been off with me lately. I'm not sure what exactly it is, but I'm not myself. I'm leaning toward the fact that I'm pretty miserable with school currently. I'm not a fan of my professor who happened to teach my last class also.  She was NOT supposed to teach the class I'm in now, but our director bailed on us, so she is now doing it. Did I mention she is just now reading the textbook for the first time with us? Nearly teaching herself as she lectures us each day.

And really, it's depressing. I'm finally in my core classes yet I'm not enjoying any part of it. The information is wonderful, at least. But the teaching, yikes. These southern schools just aren't the same as schools in the north (mid-west, whatever.)

I get home, write a to-do list with nearly 20 important tasks that need accomplished. What do I do? I take a nap. Because I can't complete any of the tasks when I'm fighting to keep my eyes awake. Nobody can.

As I awake, still no energy. So, now it is 7:00 p.m. and I'm drinking coffee. Thank the inventor of coffee for all of his/her life-saving moments (this definitely counts!) Plus side, I am actually marking things off my to-do list!

But it's just days like these where I really wonder where I am in life and how much longer I have to keep pushing THIS hard to find accomplishments in my life. I'm feeling desperate for some sort of win. 

I've recently decided something ABSURD. I've told no one, except for my husband of course. His response, "That's ridiculous." And realistically it isn't realistic at all. But I'm still somehow determined and excited. Except not today, I'm not in the mood to be determined OR excited today. But tomorrow, I'm sure (: (ahhh, the optimism is coming back now that I'm ranting a bit)

After all, I have NO SCHOOL TOMORROW! This will be my first class in awhile that I have Wednesdays off of school. Practically a vacation for me :P

Chat with me, friends. Please leave comments, questions, etc. I'm friendly, even when I'm hating school. Promise (:

Positive Side Note: I received my first big promotion through Scentsy last month & I'm officially filled out my April School/Work Calendar!

Xoxo,

    B!